Caring and Empathic Grief Therapy Near You

The reasons for seeking grief counseling and therapy are often complex and multi-faceted.

Living and dying are intertwined. Grieving the death of a loved one is filled with complexity and is often indicative of the life that was lived together. For some people, grieving the death of a loved one can mean experiencing intense sadness and overwhelming emotions that make it hard to function.  For others, numbness, difficulty experiencing feelings, and denial can take over.  Philadelphia grief counseling that considers both of these dimensions is important.

Additionally, there are of course many other losses besides death that are less seen or appreciated. But they can be every bit as important. Serious illness or injury can involve the loss of freedom, independence, and possibly self.  “Losing myself?” you may ask. “What does that mean?” For some, identity becomes intertwined with activity. Being able to ‘do’ certain tasks, and do them well can be a huge part of a person’s identity. When something out of your control forces you to give that up prematurely, it can feel devastating.  Having to adjust your identity due to loss can cut to the very core of who you are.

Grieving a loss is usually a painful and sad experience, but it can offer a tremendous opportunity for self-reflection, understanding, and growth. We don’t make presumptions about what your grieving process should be or how long it should last. We simply try to meet you where you are.

At Attune, we have grief therapy near you, whether in Philadelphia, PA, or wherever you live.  Our help is flexible to meet your subjective needs.  We offer individual therapy, teletherapy, couples counseling, and group therapy that focuses on grief and loss issues.  Our grief and loss grief counseling therapists will work with you to put into words, organize, and understand what you’re going through. We have hope that in the process of doing so, we can help you to work through your loss in a way that aids you in finding peace.

Understanding Grief And When To Seek Grief Therapy

Grief is an experience that is described as “profound sadness” related to losing something/someone. It is not a formal mental health diagnosis, but an acute response to loss and can be triggered by various types of losses, not just death. The loss of function of your body or mind due to aging or an accident can trigger grief.

Grief is a universal experience — we all lose someone or something important to us at some point in our lives and feel great sadness because of the loss. Grief is different from something like depression. Depression potentially has hereditary components — you can inherit depression down the family tree, whereas grief results from an event happening to you in your life. Grief is similar to depression in that you generally experience sadness or pain with both. And grief can be particularly painful.

Impact Of Grief

So why does grief hurt so much? 

Well, we never really know how much we are going to miss someone or something we take for granted in our lives until it is gone. You never know how much you’re going to miss talking to a loved one. You never know how much you took for granted the ability to walk, pick up things with your hands, or see. 

Of course sadness, anger, and a bunch of other emotions are part of the symptoms of grief, but there aren’t just mental impacts, but physical ones as well. 

Low energy levels are very common. You can feel totally exhausted and drained when grieving. You will likely be feeling lots of emotions, crying lots, and still perhaps trying to make arrangements or changes to your life because of the loss, and then on top of that, trying to keep up with your normal everyday life tasks and activities.

Another thing about grief and it being so painful, is in most instances of grief, you can’t turn back time and bring the person or ability back — you have to live with the loss. And this can sometimes be a very difficult thing to accept.

Types & Stages Of Grief

There are generally five stages to grief that people go through (DABDA): 

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance 

These stages aren’t necessarily sequential. You can start at any stage and people can move back and forth between stages, and you can cycle multiple times through these feelings throughout the grieving process.

Most people move through these stages (or emotions) because these are natural human reactions when someone isn’t ready to accept a reality. You can understand intellectually that someone is gone, but you emotionally might not be able to accept this new reality. So you deny it ever happening, or get angry about the loss happening, or try to bargain with reality because you are desperate for it not to happen, and might even fall into a depression because you feel like you can’t live without this person. These are all emotions that you very well may need to go through — grieving is a process — but they essentially are ways of denying the truth.

Now, when it comes to acceptance, some might see acceptance and think that this means you’ll be done with grief or “over it”. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean the end but a new beginning by finding peace with the sadness. It is about accepting what has happened and finding a way to live in your new reality.

Complicated Grief (Prolonged Grief)

Sometimes it’s difficult for someone to get to that place of acceptance, and they get stuck in the grieving process for a long time, longer than how long society thinks someone should grieve. This is what is called complicated grief (some may call it “prolonged grief”). If you’re still devastated by a loss a year or two later, then you likely have what therapists call complicated grief.

Why does this happen?

Usually because we’re not just grieving the person that we lost but we’re grieving some function that they played for us that we can’t get back now that they’re gone. It’s not just that they’re gone, it’s about the role they played in your life. You can feel adrift, lost without that role being filled anymore. There’s this sense of a huge gaping hole in your life and that grief can be more prolonged.

Whether you’re experiencing grief or complicated grief, getting help to move through the process can help you to get acceptance and experience life in a new, more positive way.

What Is Grief Therapy & The Role Of Grief Therapist

Grief therapy is a therapy that, with the help of a grief therapist, supports you in moving through the grieving process by using different therapeutic approaches to work through difficult emotions, talk about your stories related to your loss, get curious about those stories and emotions, and help you develop coping skills to move your way to acceptance. 

When grieving lasts longer than you or others hope, or it’s more intense than expected or wanted, or you find you are avoiding the negative emotions that come with grieving, and it’s affecting your ability to function in daily life, it can help to have the guidance of a therapist to help work through the emotions and challenges that come with grief.

You may even be starting to get thoughts like, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I still grieving? I shouldn’t be feeling this way.”

But a grief therapist will meet you where you are at with no judgment. The grieving process takes as long as it takes and it’s different for each individual. Grief therapists will listen to your stories and feelings about the pain you’re going through, help you process ) these feelings, and assist you in building coping mechanisms. The goal is to help you better understand your grief and what in particular is difficult for you in dealing with that grief, and then help you reframe your new reality so that you can heal.

Treatment Approaches For Grief

There are multiple therapy treatment approaches for grief and the best one will depend on your unique personality and what your therapist thinks will work best for you.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for grief is particularly good for addressing problematic thoughts. Through CBT for grief we can help a patient challenge problematic thoughts and reframe them in a way that makes living with them easier. It’s also an approach that helps with behavior change that is needed. An example would be perhaps you are having trouble leaving the house. CBT can help work into changing that behavior so you can function properly in your daily life.

There are emotion-focused therapies — these approaches focus more on the emotions you’re feeling. These therapies focus on  getting you to discuss and describe the different feelings, finding out where they live in your body and your relationship to them, and processing any stuck feelings. 

Psychodynamic approaches place an emphasis on understanding and insight. You work with the therapist to better understand yourself and why this grief is hitting you so hard.  The therapy focuses on past history and present experiences.

Relational therapy is about using a therapeutic relationship as a foundation of trust, rapport, and alliance to feel safe to help you talk about the relationship. This can be particularly helpful if the relationship with you and the person you lost was toxic or is difficult to talk about with family or friends.

One, many, or all of these treatment approaches can be used throughout therapy, as long as they continue to keep working for you.

Individual Vs. Group Therapy

Choosing to do individual or group therapy (or go to grief groups) is really a personal choice and depends on your preferences and what your goal is.

Group therapy & grief groups are useful for connecting with others in similar situations. They’re great if you are looking for social support and shared emotionally corrective experiences. There are different types of groups called homogeneous and heterogeneous groups. Homogenous groups are groups where everyone has experienced a very similar event (e.g. coping with cancer group). Heterogeneous groups are more general groups that could have people with very different situations, but are still needing support. Figuring out which type of group works for you is a matter of individual preference.

On the other hand, individual therapy is better for deeper personal insight. It’s not always possible for other group members in group therapy to help unlock as much as a skilled personal therapist. Individual therapy allows for time to go in-depth with your particular challenges.

Treatment Duration & Effectiveness

Treatment duration varies by each individual. It usually continues until the person feels significantly better. That could take 5 sessions, 10, or more. There are no set number of sessions. It’s about what feels right for you. With grief, the goal isn’t to slow down the healing process, but you don’t want to speed it up either. You need to work through grief at a pace where you’re able to process the loss and the emotions that come with it.

And sometimes, people start therapy to help process their grief, and find out they have other mental health challenges that they want to work through. The main purpose of any therapy is to help someone develop a better relationship with themselves. If that’s something you’re interested in, then therapy is for you.

Studies suggest that therapy is an effective way to deal with grief. The key findings from two of these studies are included below.

Johannsen and colleagues (2019)

Johannsen M, Damholdt M, Zachariae R, Lundorff M, Farver-Vestergaard I, O’Connor M. Psychological interventions for grief in adults: a systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. J Affect Disord. 2019 Jun 15;253:69–86. doi: 10.1016/j.jad.2019.04.065.S0165-0327(18)33076-3 [PubMed] [CrossRef] [Google Scholar]

Key Finding: “Based on our results, psychological intervention appears efficacious for alleviating grief symptoms in bereaved adults”

Currier and colleagues (2008)

Key Finding: “interventions that exclusively targeted grievers displaying marked difficulties adapting to loss had outcomes that compare favorably with psychotherapies for other difficulties.”  Translation: target the treatment to the person, more personally-tailored treatment is effective for grief

So we know grief therapy is effective, but one of the most important factors for predicting treatment success is fit with your therapist.

Choosing A Therapist

Fit with your therapist is more important than their specialization. You could have an expert in grief and loss therapy treating you, but if they’re not a good fit for you, it means the therapy will not be effective, so that’s the number one thing you should be looking for. 

Do you feel like you’re being heard? Do you feel like they have your best interests at heart? Do you feel like they understand you? Do you trust them? You should be answering yes to these questions. Usually, you’ll know within the first three sessions if it’s a good match. 

That’s why we offer a 15 minute complimentary call with a therapist of your choice on our team here at Attune, so that you can get a head start on this process.

You can schedule that call by phoning us or filling out our contact form. Get in touch to start your healing journey and move your way through the grieving process. Acceptance of a loss isn’t easy, but we’re here to help.

Frequently asked grief therapy questions:

Should you go to therapy after losing a loved one?

Not necessarily.  Deciding to work with a grief therapist near you is a subjective decision.  Going to therapy to grieve a loss is often influenced by your readiness to address the underlying issues contributing to your grieving.  Working with a grief therapist may also be based on the extent of a support network with whom you can speak only about your complicated feelings.  Sometimes, though, you may have a great network of family and friends to talk to but still wish to discuss privately certain feelings and issues with a skilled grief therapist near you.

How long does grief last?

Every person grieves in their own way and on their own timetable.   Grief can last for a short or longer time.  The duration of a person’s grief is based on the nature of their relationship with their lost loved one; how this relationship was related to the person’s relationship with themselves; and their coping tactics (while their loved one was alive, dying, and after their death).

Is it too late to go for grief counseling?

It is never too late to go for grief counseling and therapy.    Nonetheless, if you feel that you are struggling or have been grieving for ‘too long’, that may be a reason to contact a grief therapist.  There are also different types of grief.  For example, complicated grief refers to when a person is grieving over a relationship that was intertwined with their own sense of self.  In such relationships, it can feel as if you are not only mourning the death of a special someone, but also who you were when that person was alive.  It can feel difficult to move on with your life without that person in it.

What are examples of grieving?

The most common example of grieving is the death of a loved one.  But, as discussed above, people can also seek grief counseling to grieve the loss of a function, skill, ability, aspect of identity, etc.  This is often related to injury, illness, and aging.  It is haunting when we feel like we’ve lost a part of ourselves that we can’t get back.  This can trigger a crisis that requires a process of working through this loss and coming to a place of understanding with who we are becoming.